Wednesday, March 18, 2009

Blå bliver blå ... Blue turns into blue

Jeg modtager ofte kommenter om "hvor positiv min blog er om mit liv i Danmark" og modtager spørger ligesom "er du lige lykkelig altid, eller hvad?" Lad mig forklare....

I often receive comments about "how positive my blog about my life in Denmark is" and receive questions like "are you just happy all the time , or what?" Let me explain....

Selvfølgelig har jeg gode dage og dårlige dage, ligesom alle. Da jeg begyndte min blog om mit liv i Danmark, lavede jeg det for 3 grunde--1. at hjælpe mine familie og venner bliver forbundet til mig; 2. at forbedre mit dansk; og 3. at minde mig selv at opdage altid nye ting i liv (i stedet for alle ting at jeg kan ikke lide om Danmark eller alle ting at jeg savner af Amerika.) Så NEJ, jeg er ikke naturaligt lykkelig alle tid, men jeg tror at hvis jeg altid klage over "Danmark vs. Amerika", vil jeg aldrig finde alle vidunderlig ting at mit nyt hjem har for mig.

Of course I have good days and bad days just like everyone else. When I began my blog about my life in Denmark, I made it for 3 reasons--1. to help my family and friends to stay connected to me; 2. to improve my Danish; and 3. to remind myself to always discover new things in life (instead of all the things that I do not like about Denmark or all the things that I miss about America). So NO, I am not just naturally happy all the time, but I believe that if I always complain about the "Denmark vs. America" debate, I will never find all the wonderful things that my new home has for me.

Dette var faktisk en lang introduktion for denne blogs som hedder "blå bliver blå", ikke?!

That was certainly a long introduction for this blog called "blue turns into blue", don´t you think?!

Jeg har brug for forklare noget for alle som er ny til "Mads and Kelli" så du kender historien. Mads og jeg blev gift i November 2007 og Jess og jeg modtog vores godkendelse fra den danske regering at flytte til Danmark lige efter og Jess planlagt at blive færdig med højskole et år tidligt og flytter til Danmark sammen mig i sommer 2008.... Det var en svær beslutning for hende at forlade Texas og alle venner og flytter til et nyt land med "et mærkeligt sprog, mørke og våde dage og 6 måneder af vinter men for mange måneder men det var hendes plan.

I need to explain something for anyone who is new to the Mads and Kelli blog so you know the story. Mads and I were married in November 2007 and Jess and I received our approval from the Danish government just after that to move to Denmark. Jess had planned to graduate a year early and move with me in the summer of 2008.... It was a difficult decision for her to leave Texas and her friends to move to a country with "a strange language, dark and wet days and 6 months of winter, but that was her plan.

Tidlig i 2008, skiftede hun hendes mening og bestemmede at blive i Amerika og bor med hendes far for sit sidste år af skole selv om hun vidste at jeg skulle flytte til Danmark. "Lang historie lavede kort"--- vi har overlevet de sidste 9 måneder og har holdt vores forhold som tæt som nogensinde....men bor fra hinanden "sucks" (Det er ingen dansk ord for det!). Så vi planlægge tur og besøg så ofte som mulig og snakke hver dage. Men... blå bliver blå???

Early in 2008, she changed her mind and decided to stay in America and live with her dad for her last year of high school although she knew that I would still be moving to Denmark. "Long story, short"---we have survived the last 9 months and kept our relationship as close as ever.... but living apart sucks. So we plan trips and visits as often as possible and talk every single day. But .....blue turns into blue???

Ja... fordi siden Jess rejste i går morgen, har jeg været blå, bange for at græde fordi jeg vidste at hvis jeg begyndte, kan jeg måske ikke stoppe. Det var så svært at se Jess tager afsted denne gang fordi jeg ved at i mindre 5 måneder, begynder hun college og hendes tur til Danmark vil være ikke ofte. Plus jeg indser at hun begynder hendes egen liv og kommer til Danmark at besøg mor vil ikke være på toppen af listen. Og det er OK... og det er normalt fordi det sker når dine børn går til college....

Yeah, it does because since she left Monday morning, I have been blue, afraid to cry because I knew that once I started, I may not be able to stop. It was so much harder this time to let her go because I know that in less than 5 months she is starting college and the trips will be less frequent because of that. Plus I realize that she is starting her own life very soon and running over to Denmark to hang out with mom will not always be at the top of the list. And that is ok and it is normal because that is what happens when your kids go to college.....

...selv om det er OK og normalt, gøre det ondt stadig. Det er det slags af "smerte" i bunden af maven og overalt dit hjerte. Det er det slags af "BLÅ" at fortælle dig at blive ved med i sengen og ikke stå op og det er hvor jeg følte i går. I sengen, BLÅ og tænker på hvor meget jeg savner Jess..... Har du dage ligesom dette???

...but even though it is ok and it is normal, it still hurts. The kind of deep hurt in the bottom of your stomach and each chamber of your heart. The kind of BLUE that makes you want to stay in bed and refuse to face the day and that is where I was yesterday. In bed, BLUE and wondering how I was going to do this again... Do you ever have those kind of days?

Men jeg er lykkelig at sige at min MØRK BLÅ har blevet en LYS BLÅ.... tak til den danske himmel. Jeg tog ikke brusebåd og havde sminke på i gårs morgen, men i stedet for, jeg grædede meget, havde på et par stor solbriller og en hat, sætte Albert i bilen og kørte til min yndlingsskov--Jynevad Skov. I stedet for af jeg fortæller jer om hvor solen og himmel og skyer og fresk loft gjorde til mig, vil jeg lade mine billeder fortæller historien. (Men et råd-- din mørk blå kan ikke blive lys blå hvis du aldrig stå op fra sengen!)

But I am happy to report that my DARK BLUE has become a LIGHT BLUE...thanks to the Danish sky, of all things. I did not shower or put on make up yesterday morning, but instead cried all I needed to cry, put on a pair of big sunglasses and a hat, loaded Albert up in the car and drove ten minutes until I came to my favorite forest in Denmark--Jynevad Forest. Instead of telling you what the sun and the sky and the clouds and the fresh air did for me, I think I will let the pictures tell that story. (but one piece of advice....your dark blue cannot ever turn into light blue if you never get out of the bed....)








18 comments:

Bluefish said...

Is there a way to convince Jess to move to Denmark? The education free so she can save a lot of money by being educated in Denmark. I don't know how much it costs to go to University in U.S., but I often heard that it's super expensive. I hope you'll find your sunshine soon and don't be too blue.

I've been feeling blue for years but it takes time to overcome the obstacles.

the writer said...

I'll send you a big hug from Copenhagen and hope you're not blue anymore, since - like you said - the sky is so blue :)

The sunrays are piercing into my bedroom this morning. It's impossible to oversleep :(

Paula said...

Oh Kelli, I am so sorry to hear how sad you were yesterday. I had my dark blue days too (especially just before I left for Bangkok) but they turned light blue after writing to you and sharing my feelings openly! That really helped for me. Your post has inspired me to get a dog- Sally cat doesnt get me out as much as I need to be :)

'Babs' said...

I love your positive posts about Denmark, it's like you are a treasure hunter and seeking out the gems :)


Tears in my eyes reading how you felt when Jess left this time, and I reckon you did the right thing going with it and having that day to yourself to reflect and let the feelings be true.

Thankyou for your advice about finding the lighter blue, and God Bless Albert xxxx

Jennie said...

Fresh air does wonders. Good advice. It can be tough to get out of bed on those days, but you only got one life, know what I mean, so you might as well live it! I feel for you - have lived 13 years away from my mom now - good thing you've got your cute hubby by your side :-)

NotQuiteDanish said...

Another hug from KBH. I can understand entirely - although I don't have a daughter. This year, the darkness nearly sent me to the loony bin. Mixed with Roskilde Syg and influenza er ikke så godt! It was a huge step for both or you to come to here to DK and I suspect, at her age, it would have been a real challenge to make the decision. The bright side of it is, unlike all the other mothers seeing their kids head off to college and leave the nest this year, you're already experienced with it! And you have lots of exciting things going on to help you adjust.

And BTW, I completely understand your reasoning about the blog - I feel quite the same in that respect (if I could just get back into it!).

Keep the blue skies comin please! (Actually, yesterday I stood in the sun briefly and I am *sure* I felt a bit of warmth in it!

LadyFi said...

I feel your pain, Kelli! My kids are tiny, but I just can't imagine letting them go! Yet - as you say, it's a natural part of parenting...

As you say, staying in bed won't let you enjoy the blue skies... but sometimes, you need to do it just to appreciate them when you go outside again!

I love your attitude - hope you never lose it.

Jesper said...

Kelli...you are such an inspiration...even when you are feeling blue.

By the way...when something sucks I belive that danes would say "det stinker"!

Big hugs from Jesper

Tara said...

Yah, thanks alot... now I'm crying about the fact my kids will one day grow up and leave me. :(

I'm glad the sun is here to cheer you up though. I better go out there now too...

:)

Tara said...

...AND I sometimes try to read your Danish writing. No Danish word for "sucks" huh? :) I laughed.

...AND - Maybe a "Big Texas Burger" from Burger King would make you feel better too. I'm sure Albert would like it.

KCLC said...

Thank you so much for writing such a straight forward deep from the heart post. ( And I am sure it did you good by writing it)

Last week , I had a very , very bad day. The kind where you feel like you are wrapped in a blanket of deep dark thunder clouds. I hadnt had one of those in years. By the time it was over my eyes were bloodshot red and my nose the size of a grapefruit. LOL.

There is something about getting out into nature that soothes the nerves and calms the mind.

I cant even imagine how hard it is to be a mama bird . But think of how high she will soar because YOU taught her how to fly.

Huggs!!!!

Gosh! That Albert is so dagnabit cute!!!!!!!

SH said...

Those are great pictures. Albert has to be the happiest dog in the world.

It's funny how both you and Jess are starting your lives at the same time... she's going to college, and you're growing into a Dane. Not even an ocean can weaken the bond you two have, but you know that. I predict that Jess's college years will bring you even closer together, if that's possible. Love you!

Matthew said...

Kelli,
So sorry. In one sense, I can't imagine what you must be feeling without your girl around. However, I do remember how hard it was at times when I was living overseas away from my entire family with only the occasional AIM chat to keep us connected (that was before skype). Me and Matthew were just talking last night about how excited we are that you guys are coming to visit soon, and we can't wait to meet Mads. I just pray your blue gets lighter and lighter until then. Love from your other home!
Krys

Archaeogoddess said...

I'm sorry you had dark blue days... I'm happy they are getting lighter!

Monica said...

Sweet, sweet Kelli, I am so sorry you have felt so blue! Please know you can show up at my doorstep and just "be" here. Oh, and of course Albert is always welcome too! The last two days have beena wonderful break from the grey winter...but if the weather turns sour again, or rather the blues seem to be lingering a bit longer than you want them too, let me be a lifeline! I might not be able to whip up Sangria so quickly, but I promise I can brew a mean cuppa coffee! Love you bunches! :) Monica

Lisa said...

I just love this post! It was a rollercoaster of feelings. But ended with such a positive message! Thanks for sharing!

Amy said...

Hello my dear- first of all, your photos were wonderful, would love to take a walk with you and Albert and the lionesses and baby J.E.N.N.Y. in those lovely woods...and are you serious, did you really manage to capture SO MANY deer on film??? Looks like they stopped up just for you...and the one photo with the deer looks like a painting.
I doubt it's much comfort, but I KNOW what you are feeling..and I understand that if you let yourself be consumed by the dark blue days you will never see the light blue days..sometimes though trying to keep that balance is exhausting and you just wish life was easier, the ones you loved closer, and the best of both worlds at your convinence. Friends aren't a replacement for family but there is a little comfort in friendly words- such as you left me on facebook- when you are an ocean away from loved ones..even though we've never met, hope you know I'm not that far away either if you ever need me :-)) Take the danish boat to Oslo and drive two hours North and you'll be hanging out with me in the woods...

C and H Romenesko said...

Oh Kelli. Goodness. I can't imagine to begin all the emotions you're going through with the expat rollercoaster plus having your beautiful daughter thousands of miles away. I'm sure my mom went through the same things when I decided to study abroad in college. But, just think about that amazing friendship the two of you have and how much you've given her to send her on her way to start her journey as an adult. What a gift!

And, I love the positive blog...mind isn't always as positive...more sarcastic...but if you can't laugh at your surroundings, you'll just go mad.